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The Legend of the Cruncher
is a document. Obtaining ; Bought for 150 kamas from * Harry Stottel at (4,1) in Amakna Village Contents The legend of the Cruncher Coming Soon Totolo There are numerous creatures in this world, but the creature this book talks about is certainly the strangest and the craziest of all. Crazy is THE right word when talking about the Cruncher . Though his story is often compared to a fairy tale, even its fiercest detractors agree to say that all the testimonies have an obvious thing in common... an anomaly which can't be explained by the most brilliant magicians, neither by the erudites of Bradacho , nor by the followers of Radama . We came to believe that the story of the Cruncher, if he exists, is linked to the story of a young man called Zakary Asp , son of the renowned Zelote Asp . That is why we are now going back over the reasons that urged Zakary to walk all the way to the Mount Stinkky . . Mount Stinkky .Zakary , who is probably considered as the most empiricist of all the magicians of Amakna , is like the angel Baloisse who only believes what he sees. He had decided to prove to the world, once and for all, that the Cruncher was just a pure fabrication, a tale for missus......The reason of this unexpected fascination happened in quite an informal way, at the entrance of the Tavern of the Glow-Finger. This tavern was an indecent bar where all encounters between magicians and witches were possible. The magicians who needed to empty their magic wands generally ended up there... Coming soon But Zakary wasn't here for the said reason. The tavern of the Glow-Finger was the sanctuary of Maly the Bogeywoman and of many young magots to whom she had stolen their hearts...After a pretty boozy evening, tired of the young magus's statements, Maly the Bogeywoman promised her hand among other parts of her anatomy to Zak , provided that he gives her the key to the enigma of the Cruncher , either a proof of his existence, or of his nonexistence. Women are often cruel to their suitors. The challenge she actually gave Zakary was about the same as asking him to stand still for several hours, on a Minotoror's head in the middle of its coitus... though this is not a good example because a magician has already achieved that. Coming soon But the young and crazy Zak was delighted and found that it was worth the trouble as he would have illimited access to the caresses of the Bogeywoman . This is why our young magus began his journey, with a bundle on his shoulder and erotic dreams in his head. He then headed for the Mount Stinkky in order to meet the first witnesses who got in contact with the Cruncher. Anyway, it wasn't an easy thing to get to the place where those people lived... It was a long and dangerous journey... The only advantage about this was that all the humans who are said to have met the Cruncher were all gathered in that very place... Zakary had to go there. And this fact alone, when you think about it, deserves to be told at least for everything he had to endure and the obstacles he had to face. However, this has nothing to do with the real purpose of this book. This asylum was very hard to reach since they only brought nutcases and crackpots of the worst kind over there. If one of them escaped, you had to make sure that he wouldn't be able to avoid the numerous traps. They all had a thing in common... The thing in common which made the most resistant to the existence of the Cruncher doubt... A lousy doubt that prevented them from closing that story. All the witnesses had a liking for evil: lechers, perverts, apple eaters, nuddle burners... Each victim had a strong vice and some unhealthy deeds to reproach themselves. However they probably all ended up in this big asylum of the Mount Stinkky, either because they went mad after seeing the creature, or because they deserved a reprimand for their deeds. The only thing we need to know is that, once he arrived in this terrible building, our young Zak was still smiling, and he still had the pictures of the Bogeywoman Coming soon in mind, as if his love for the saucy girl had given him an iron and steadfast will, even in the most difficult times... Zak , who hardly found time to look after his wounds, went and questioned Damog the Loony , a famous brewer who mixed his beer with Tofus' blood. The hatred he had of these little animals had brought about the downfall of numerous families of breeders and, to crown it all, he had turned his beer into one of the most famous beer in Amakna . Of course, this was before the consumers realized what they were drinking. Some bars still serve it, but Damog was confined to a mental hospital. The specialists considered him mad dangerous. But to Zak 's great displeasure, Damog wasn't paying attention to his visitor. He kept saying these words More in me...More in me ... Zak was all the more affected since all the other persons which could have given him some information behaved exactly the same way... Whether it was Jango the Ripper or Farde the Frivolous ...They all kept saying the same words, with the same intonations... All but one. Just when he had lost hope, Zak went to see the last witness. Probably the most terrible. A tall and bald-headed man with weird eyes...big and protruding, frightening and penetrating as if they fathomed the soul of their interlocutor. Zak wasn't really scared, because he hadn't made this trip and lived all these adventures to be frightened by those two big eyes...Oh no, he needed more than that to forget the breasts of Maly the Bogeywoman ... His name was Molok Ark and, unlike his roomates , he didn't keep saying this sentence...He was surprisingly quiet. And believe it or not, but this quietness was quite terrible. Coming soon When he pitched in, he could only let out a surprisingly guttural voice, a voice that didn't sound human at all. _'Zak'_ would have certainly turned tail if he had not seen _'Maly'_ in an indescribable position which kept him under self-control. For sure, this simple 'hello' would have frozen the blood of god _'Iop'_ himself. _'Zakary'_ pitched in, with a slightly quivering voice, and asked about a thousand questions to his interlocutor. _'Zak'_ was looking for the detail, the hint which would prove this legend ridiculous. _'Zak'_ the empiricist didn't care much whether the monster existed or not, his desire was now too strong for him to waste anymore time around here. Every second he was wasting here were precious seconds lost by his muse. When, suddenly, Molok started speaking, his voice had changed, it sounded younger, softer... 'Kiss me Zakary , kiss me and I'll give you the evidence you are looking for, kiss me and your quest will be over'. These were the words he said. Zak _, who couln't believe it, pondered for a moment...He had never believed this nonsense story, and what was wrong with kissing a mad man if it enabled him to have the woman of his dreams and to make himself a good reputation in the academy as well. Zak _, who couln't believe it, pondered for a moment...He had never believed this nonsense story, and what was wrong with kissing a mad man if it enabled him to have the woman of his dreams and to make himself a good reputation in the academy as well. This poor chained bugger couldn't possibly harm him. He walked slowly towards him, with a grin, took Molok 's head in his hands and heartily kissed this terrible person, renowned as one of the most terrible gangster and murderer of Amakna . Coming soon The guard opened their eyes again several hours later. They explained that when Zak 's lips touched Molok's, a terrible flash of light lit up the room. When they awoke, Zakary Asp had disappeared, and Molok , hunched up in a corner, kept saying 'More in me...More in me'. Collective hallucination? Whatever it was, we still didn't get any evidence of the existence of the Cruncher ... Collective hallucination? Whatever it was, we still didn't get any evidence of the existence of the Cruncher ... Yet, a few days later, Maly the Bogeywoman disappeared as well. Some lost people said they had seen her, long after, in the middle of the forest, whipping a man who was laughing with pleasure... Whether the Cruncher exists or not, we know love can make you behave unwisely... or worse, drive you crazy!